Cheap Bastards

     Let me start off by saying "I hate people." It's not a race thing it's not a gender thing I just hate all people. Equally.

     I work at a sports bar down the street. I love my job, what I mean is, I love serving and being social. I know this doesn't make sense with the whole "I don't like people" thing but it's true.

     First off, I make $2.90 an hour. theoretically. Second off, tips are optional not required.

     If you are in a party of 7 or more, expect delays.

     If you are high maintenance and picky as shit, expect delays.

     If our place of business is even somewhat busy, expect delays.

     When I give you a 32 oz drink, don't drink it within 30 seconds and then shake your glass at me like it's been 10 minutes since you've had something in your cup.

     The law requires that if you look under 40 years old I MUST CARD YOU. Take it as a compliment.

     If I ask you what you want, don't tell me "surprise me" and then get mad when it's something you don't want. Maybe you should have told me anyway.

     Tip at LEAST 10 percent you cheap bastards. I am never that terrible.

     If something comes out wrong, tell me, I will fix it. Promptly.

     If I make several trips to your table asking if everything is okay and you say yes, how the hell am I to know that you are unhappy and something is wrong??? Tell me.

     I am required to repeat your order, so if I say something that is not right, again, tell me.

     When I come to the table and ask if you need anything, tell me everything at once, do NOT keep me running back and forth for you every time I return to the table.

     Cash tips are more appreciated than credit or debit tips. I don't have to claim those.   :)

     When I say "I have a boyfriend." it is NOT my subtle way of saying try harder, it means "I have a boyfriend and I'm not interested."

     If I am in the middle of talking to a table don't interrupt me. Signal me, I will reach you when I'm done greeting the new table.

     Don't yell at me from across the room.

     Don't ever EVER effing sit down at a dirty table and demand me to clean it ASAP. You chose to sit at that dirty table. You can suffer until I'm ready.

     Never snap at me to do something.

     Never shake your glass at me.

     Just saying, these are some things that would help us get along a little better and would make your visit much more pleasant. This would also keep me happy and considering I handle your food ... Don't piss me off.  :)

             Have a great day!!